Out of the Mouths of Moms

The last week has presented certain challenges. There's the trauma of having a child hospitalized. There's the lack of sleep for worrying and cries of, "Mom!" in the night. There's the constant nagging to get fluids into your child.

All that. But none of those begins to touch on the challenges faced by Redding. First, his sister gets loads of attention. She's got mom and dad following her around with bowls, towels, cool cloths for her head... Loads of medicine and tons of sippees of juice, ice water, Gatorade, Pedialyte, anything she will drink. Redding wants a bowl for in his bed. He wants "puffers" like Annabella's. He wants a sippee, which thankfully he can have. He wants whatever she is getting.

So Friday morning, I called the grandparents to enlist assistance in watching Red while I took Annabella to the pediatrician. Poppa was at our house a few hours later and Bel and I were off. Red wanted to see the doctor. I figure, why take a healthy child into the waiting room full of miserable illness?

The doctor briefly examined my normally perky girl. Based on her coloring, lethargy, tender abdomen and the fact that she hadn't kept much down in 2 days, she sent us to the hospital for IV fluids to treat severe dehydration.

So, we stopped home to pick up some necessities. Poppa was out shoveling the driveway and Red was out with him, playing on a sled. I was already weepy over putting Bel into the hospital. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to find Red happy as a clam and my driveway being cleared. Then I had to humbly ask what he had planned for the rest of the afternoon, as I had to go put my girl... And the tears flowed.

Redding winds up spending the rest of the day with Poppa and Gragra at our house, then going to their house for dinner and a sleepover. He gets all the attention of two very doting grandparents. But there's a problem. He doesn't understand why Sissy gets to go to the doctor, to the hospital, gets medicine, etc. Poor guy. Plus he's missing Annabella, Mom and Dad. Poor, poor sweet boy.

Saturday evening Annabella got to come home, but wasn't very interactive with Red. Still she's getting lots of attention and fussing over. Medicine, puffers, all that jazz.

Sunday night at dinner we were discussing how he'd been saying things all weekend like, "I hurt myself, I need to go to the hospital." And, forced, fake cough, cough "I'm sick, I need a puffer."

Annabella hops up from the dinner table with a panicked look on her face, shouting, "I have to go potty, NOW!" She races to the bathroom.

Redding is hot on her heels, "Oh! I have to go potty now, too!" Which is funny because he's not potty trained. He feels using the potty once a day before nap is plenty.

Someone commented that he just wants to have and do everything just like his big sister.

I replied, "Yeah, won't he be surprised when he gets his first period."

Warning! Dirty Diaper Story! OotMoB

I was just changing Redding before he goes down for a nap.

He informs me, as I open his diaper, "There's a lot of poops."

"Yes," I tell him, "yes there are."

Redding loves this line of conversation. "Poop comes out my penis."

As I have told him many times, "No, poop comes out the back here, by your buns." Because I am that person, OK? I just don't need to get into anatomy lessons with a two year old. Not really. No. Not so much.

"From my angus?" Redding prompts me.

"Yes. You are correct." Pronunciation? Not corrected. Where he got this information? A mystery almost as silly as hearing my little boy tell me that his poop comes out his angus.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

So, we're sitting there, having some lunch today. The whole gang of us.

Annabella slammed most of her lunch, then asked for another hot dog. Once she got it, the whole tone of lunch changed.

She grasped it firmly by one end. She then extended her arm out over the table. "Guess what this means?"

To which I clasped my hand over my mouth, not wanting to hazard a guess.

"It means yes. And this," she exclaimed, turning it downward, "means no."

Generally Andrew and I murmured something to the affirmative, but avoided each other's eyes. Once I did make eye contact with Andrew, I couldn't help but stifle a giggle.

Giggling in the 6 year old vernacular means "please do that again and again, ad nauseum." That had to be avoided at all costs.

Once I looked back at Annabella I found myself saying, without even having to think first, "Please stop rubbing that on your face."

To which, she quickly held it out toward me and pronounced, "It doesn't even hurt!"

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Last night while I was getting Redding ready for bed, we were chatting. He started in with his standard, "Dogs eat dog food." line of thinking.

"Yes, they do." He's got it now, so why mess it up? I thought.

"Cats eat cat food." Redding chimes in.

Now, I just can't stop myself from asking, "And what do squirrels eat?"

He gives me this quizzical look, eyebrows up, and says uncertainly, "Chipmunks?"

Which makes me wonder, just what is it exactly about the holiday season that brings out the violence in my kids? Killing pandas with axes and wild blood-thirsty squirrels eating poor defenseless chipmunks...

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Annabella brought home a book from the school library about Giant Pandas. We got done reading it tonight and she says, "Mom, how could people kill pandas?" I shook my head sadly and said, "I don't know, babe." To which she replied, "Maybe with an ax?"

Out of the Mouths of Babes

When I went in to get Redding this morning, he was in a great mood. This is definitely not how we start every morning, so I considered myself lucky.

The first thing he says, as I open the door is, "Where is my sissy?"

Once I picked him up, his next inquiry was, "Where are my fruit bars? Where is my box of fruit bars, MomMom?" (He's in a strange phase where he picks random things to carry around they house like a security object. Yesterday it was a box of Archer Farms Organic Apricot fruit bars.)

Finally, once we got the important stuff squared away and I began to change him into clothes for the day he lay back and grinned up at me and said, "I had a dream last night about POOPIES!" So very, very proud of himself. He told me his dream, without me asking and he used a complete sentence. Plus he wasn't the least bit grumpy this morning. How lucky am I, potty humor aside?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Annabella:
I love you, Redding! When we first got you, you were a teeny, tiny little baby!

Redding:
I know, Sissy. I know.

(An oldy, but a goody. Let your toddlers carefully hold your babies, with lots of helping hands and pillows around, so you can get a priceless shot like this.)

Out of the Mouths of Babes

In our car this morning, on the way to the Y:

Redding:
I see the tower!

Me:
There it is.

Redding:
That's full of water.

Me:
Right.

Annabella:
That's Andover water. It's really cold. We get to drink it at the Y.

Me:
That's right, that's what comes out of the water fountains at the Y.

Annabella:
But we can't drink ocean water.

Me:
It's way too salty.

Annabella:
Yeah, it would make you sea sick.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

We're driving home this afternoon and Annabella starts telling Red and I a story about the alien she made out of pipe cleaners. This is a small alien whose family is DEAD.

I say, "Well, that's not exactly the most pleasant story I've ever heard."

Red chimes in with, "Sissy has a dirty dipe (diaper), too."

To which Annabella shrieks, "Don't say that Redding! It's a LIE!"

So I try to be patient and explain, "Well, Red doesn't understand the difference between a lie and the truth, so he's just making up stories."

Annabella brags, "That's right, I know the difference between what is a lie and what is real."

And Red brings us to a close with a very solemn, "Redding is not real."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Annabella: "Gold is the most American color."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Annabella and Redding were eating breakfast together.

Annabella makes some silly growly noise and Red loves it. Every time she stops he yells, "Again!"

Growl...

Again!

Growl...

Again!

Again!

Again!

"Red, can you stop saying again, please? You're kind of freaking me out."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Last night while Annabella was settling in to go to sleep we had a little talk that we have sometimes. I like to call it, "What did people do before they had..."

Last night Annabella asked me some interesting ones, but what was really fun were the answers she gave me when I asked her.

What did people use before they had cell phones?

Candle stick phones. And she pantomimed the old fashioned phones on the wall where you talk into the mouthpiece on the box and hold the round piece to your ear.

What did people use before they had tissues?

Their sleeves.

She's got that right. I think when I was her age, I used nothing but my sleeves...

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Red came into the kitchen and wanted, "up, Up, UP!"

So, I picked the poor little guy up.

He spies the phone, "Ont Dada's phone, EASE!!"

"Sorry, you can't have Daddy's phone. Go get your phone from the family room, it's right by the toy box."

"Pooh Ox? Pooh Ox? Pooh Ox?"

Yes, dude, your phone is right next to the pooh ox.

A Pledge

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America...

And to the republic,
Of da widget stands

One nation

Under guard

And invisible

With liberty and Justins for all.

Pardon the mess. Yes, I let the kids destroy the family room with toys and taking all the cushions off the couches. I'm crazy like that, especially when I'm sick.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Redding's phrase of the day:

Uht due-ennnn?

Translation: What are you doing? What is the pillow doing? What is sissy doing? What is that doing? What is this doing? What am I doing? How are you doing?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Andrew was helping Annabella get her shoes on to go to the Y for yoga class with me this morning.

Annabella brought Andrew a shoe and mumbled something.

He said, "These are called knots."

Annabella said, "I call them loopy tits."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Annabella spotted the US flag on our way home from the Y today. Which reminded me that she had told me that they say the "Pledge of Allegiance" every Monday at school.

There is no time in every other day kindergarten it seems.

Recess is once a day. The pledge is once a week. Times do change, don't they?

Anyhow, I started reciting it from memory for the first time in years, and Annabella stopped me and corrected me.

"It's one nation, under guard and invisible, mom!"

Clearly she learned this during the Bush administration?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

"Mama, it looks like you're growing another baby in your tummy."

"Really? Do you think so?"

"Yes, Mama, I really do."

"Well, honey, there's not going to be any more babies. That's just my belly."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, quite sure."

"Really, really sure?"

"Yes. Really, really ridiculously sure."

"OK."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Redding is an interesting kid. There can be no doubt about that. He has chosen as his security object the cloth diapers I've used as burp cloths for him and long ago for his sister. He calls them "lovies" which in Reddings own language sounds a lot like wowies. It also sounds a lot like Wall-E. Pretty cute. The kid has got to have is bah-doh (bottle) and his wowie on a regular basis.

There are other words the boy is learning, at a fantastic rate.

Last Friday I made the new traditional homemade pizza. I made his with no cheese, of course, and he was so delighted he ran around the house cheering, "Pee-bah! Peeeeeeee-bah!" Which interestingly sounds a lot like Wall-E says Eve. I kid you not, the kid has only seen the movie once.

Now the fact that he was yelling Pee-bah! a the top of his lungs was not nearly so funny until Andrew announced that Pee-bah was Eve's (pronounced Eva, like Wall-E says it) slutty sister.

Nice.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Redding has been pushing for potty training, but until he has some additional speaking capacity, it is really only an exercise in training myself to put him on the potty at regular intervals.

We took a big step forward this weekend. Redding decided the the way you say poop is "booty". It's pretty stinking adorable and I'll see if I can get a movie of it.

The conversation went like this, "Uh oh, you smell stinky buddy. Do you have poop?"

The answer was this, "Boo-teee, boooooo-teeeeee, oh oui oui oui."

It's not that he's not a talker. It's that he likes to say things his own way.

As in, "Do you want me to carry you down the stairs?" I ask, stupidly, because Red has stopped on the top step and is throwing a fit.

"Ding dah. Ding DAH. DING DAH!!!"

Ding dah means carry me.

Auntie Karen, is Auntie Ding Ding. Why? Because whenever we see her, she carries him around.

Nice, huh?

I think we'll call it Redding-ese.

Out of the Mouths of Babes, Friday TwoFer

Driving home from the Y, Dire Straits "So Far Away" came on the radio.

"Who is he so far away from, Mommy?" Annabella wonders out loud.

"I'm not sure, babe, who do you think?"

"Must be someone he loves. Like how we're so far away from Auntie Tammie, Uncle Joe, Kayla and Bailey. They're really far away. I remember them from vacation."

Guess what? Tearing up in a car and close-fitting sunglasses that have been sitting out in 14 degree weather? Yeah, they tend to fog up, and that my friends will reduce your visibility every time.

Love to all our family in California, even if you are currently in New Orleans.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Here's a special Friday treat for you. I know everyone looks forward to OMB.

Redding has been talking up a storm lately. He's been learning songs (he'll pick one part of one verse and sing that over and over), telling me what he'd like to drink, even demanding to use the potty. AWESOME!

One of his favorite things is to say the name of what he's eating, while he's eating it, over and over. This usually happens at meals. At breakfast it is blueberries, blueberries, blueberries. At lunch it is hot doggies, hot doggies, hot doggies. You get the picture.

Last night at dinner, he was eating sausage, bread and red pepper. He was also drinking water. So, he wasn't talking about his food.

He looks directly at me, about halfway through dinner and says something I've never heard him say before. Four times. Clear as a bell. I am 99% sure he wasn't talking about his dinner, or taking inventory of the family, "Dada, sissy, dada, sissy, dada, sissy." You get the picture.

Nope, my lovely little 20 month old boy looked me in the eye, smiled, and said, "Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole."

Clear as a bell. And no, that is not something he hears around the house.

Boy, you kiss your mama with that mouth?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Tonight I let Annabella pick what we had for dinner. She picked tacos. Yeah!

Redding had such a great time with dinner, he chased me around the kitchen while I was trying to clean up demanding more, "Meep and beams." Meat and beans.

He's cute.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Among the cutest things I ever heard, Annabella and Redding running around playing when she home from school yesterday.

"I love you, buddy, I love YOU!" She says as she chases him around the living room.

"Who's a cutie? You're a cutie boy!" As they do another lap. All the while Red giggles.

"You're my best brother!" Another lap, giggling and panting ensues.

"I sure missed you at school today." Again they go around. He missed her, too, asked for her all day.
"Sissy? Sissy? Sissy?"

"I don't know what I'd do without you!" Then my heart melted. I think she must have picked that one up from her grandparents. Melt, melt melt.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Yesterday Annabella was working on an advent calendar. She wrote all of the numbers on the foam ornaments all by herself. One through 25. Actually, she had extra, so she went up to thirty. She didn't really understand why we would want to stop at 25.

I said, "Because that is Christmas. The calendar is not like the regular calendar that hangs on the wall, the whole point of this one is to count down the days until Christmas."

"But I like the other numbers, too."

"I know, but we'll stop at 25, because you know what that day is?"

Annabella hits me with this one, out of the blue, "That's the day I get my new XBOX?"

Out of the Mouths of Babes

First, I need to set the scene. Andrew and Annabella are at the party store, looking at halloween costumes. At just 5 years old, Annabella thinks she knows everything. Everything there is to know in the entire world.

Andrew: Wow, look Bel, a pith helmet.
Annabella: Dad! That's a SA-FAR-EE helmet.

Andrew: Actually, it is used on safaris, but it is called a pith helmet. Can you say that?

Annabella: Sure. Piss Helmet.